Being the eldest child in a family of three girls, most of my memories as a child had been that of fighting feelings of jealousy, anger, rejection, and wanting to run away, only because I believed everyone loved my sister more than me. Was this true? Well, I now know that the answer is a big no. I now know that everyone loved me, but at the time, for me, in my little world, I believed my life was the worst and this became the foundation of everything I did and felt for most of my life. The negative impact was so much that I would relate with the “Ugly Duckling”. I built my life around this rejection and the more I believed it, the worse things got for me. I looked upon myself as “good for nothing”. I got so negative, that I started deriving joy out of building up negative thoughts and imagining the worst for myself. I used to dwell in self-pity hoping people will be compassionate toward me. But however much I tried, things only got worse. I was caught in this vicious cycle with seemingly no way out.
This affected my health, my studies, my relationships, basically all aspects of my life. I barely had any friends, I’d just tag along with people just to have that feeling of being accepted, however, I most often ended up becoming the scapegoat for all their mischiefs.
A few years later, seeing my grades sliding and running out of options, I was sent to a boarding school. This was a new start for me and a new environment. This bought about a change in my outlook. This was a place where no one knew me and I began to notice that the reactions of people toward me were different. I felt encouraged, I started observing people, started doing things differently, started taking up activities, and started getting better results.
The Turning Point:
A few years later it was time for college. By this time my confidence had started budding. I volunteered for various activities in the college and started getting recognized for my talent. This encouraged me to do things I never even imagined I could do or had in me. I started participating in inter-college events, collaborating with people from various colleges, and became a known face in the college. So much so that even today each and every college staff member from the time remember me. With my work today, the discovery of these things is automatic and almost a by-product of becoming the best version of myself.
I realized that there was hope in life and things can change. Life does not have to be the way it was for me. It’s not about fate but the fact that I can change it with my own hands.
That was the realization I needed in my life, that’s where my journey on self-discovery started, that one decision changed my life in many ways. Automatically I started doing things differently, my relationships in the family improved. I met different people, very talented people, and learned from them just like that, read books, tried different techniques, through this discovery and various trials, my life began to change. There have been failures in my various endeavors, but I learned to make them stepping stones for my own success.
Through this journey and all the various things I have tried, I have finally found the most effective and the fastest way to get rid of personal limitations, fears and phobias and ways to build capabilities that get you noticed, to give you an edge over others.